Humor

Welcome to the North Country

By on Feb 17, 2013 in Fiction, Humor | Comments Off

After completing graduate school, my wife, Mikayla, and I, and Maryanne, our 2-year-old daughter, headed for a small town in the North Country where I started my teaching career. We rented a 12 x 60-foot mobile home, and our life in the North Country began. On the third morning, we were visited by the trailer park manager, Mr. Miller. “How do, folks? I come by t’ give y’ this list o’ park rules and tell y’ ’bout th’ roof and th’ heat tape.” He gave us a sheet of paper. “Them are th’ park rules. Y’ got t’ keep...

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Life in the Movies

By on Jan 23, 2013 in Essays, Humor | Comments Off

I’ve been catching up on movies lately, and found myself thinking about how much simpler everyday life would be if it followed movie rules. For one thing, it would be more convenient: in the movies, everyone speaks English. It doesn’t matter what area or era, though with older settings like ancient Greece or Rome, speech is usually delivered — strangely enough — in a British accent. If it’s a question of British English speakers versus American English speakers, then the British-speaking person is invariably either a boor, or evil. And if someone speaks in a non-English language,...

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The First I Heard of It

By on Nov 11, 2012 in Fiction, Humor | Comments Off

Most of the nine months I should’ve spent in the third grade I spent in bed.  On the first Friday in September of that school year, my mother got me and my brother up like she always does. Then she said she was keeping me home today. She didn’t say why, and I stopped asking after the look she gave the second time. I didn’t want to push her into one of her whacking moods. She didn’t seem to have any problem with Louis going to school though. He was in fifth grade at Cooperstown Elementary. He and I polished off our Lucky Charms and bananas, like we usually would, but neither of...

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A Solitary Man

By on Oct 21, 2012 in Fiction, Humor | Comments Off

Louis Pickett had finally, after years of carefully saving his money, attained the status of home owner. The house was a small Cape Cod in a neighborhood changing demographics; Jewish and Italian ladies dying or leaving for nursing homes and middle-class blacks, Hispanics and single WASP women moving in. Louis’ house sat on a corner on a large lot backing up to woods. His first action after settling in was to erect bird houses on high poles. Possibly he could prevent the squirrels from reaching them, though he doubted this after watching an Animal Planet show on highly intelligent...

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Slug Boy

By on Oct 21, 2012 in Fiction, Humor | Comments Off

The rain tapped against the bathroom window as Abby showered, getting ready for work. She was soaping her legs when she noticed a dark mark, like a swipe from a brown magic marker, on the tile wall. That’s weird, she thought, how did that get there? She leaned in through the steam to get a closer look. “Oh crap,” she said to herself with a start. “There’s a baby slug in my shower.” For some reason having the slug in her shower while she was naked made her feel vulnerable, as if somehow it could get her because she was without her clothes. As if clothes could protect me from a...

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New Crop

By on Aug 27, 2012 in Fiction, Humor | Comments Off

  An article in The Christian Science Monitor reported that some Burmese peasants believe democracy is something to eat. When the students told us about this plant a few months ago, they were not sure precisely what it was either, but they said it will change our lives. They’d heard it will make hair grow on bald heads. People who eat it must battle to keep from wearing a silly smile, they like it so much. The soil gets better when it grows there. The produce is at chest and stomach level so when you pick, you don’t have to stoop or reach; yet the rest of the plant can be...

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