I Promise You
Willard F. Harley Jr.

By Alyce Wilson

Many couples participate in counseling, usually led by a member of the clergy, before tying the knot. However, not every denomination requires counseling, and the type of counseling offered differs from clergy person to clergy person. Regardless, I Promise You, written by clinical psychologist Willard E. Harley Jr., can serve as a useful part of pre-marriage relationship building.

Harley sets down several guidelines that will make any relationship strong and, throughout the course of the book, explicates these guidelines and outlines how to use them.

One of the key components, according to Harley, is honesty. This is on a number of levels, ranging from being honest about expectations to being honest about your feelings. It's important, he stresses, to express those ideas in a way that is not hurtful to the other person.

One of the most useful analogies of this book is the idea that every couple has a Love Bank. You can either deposit positive credits into it or, through negative behavior, withdraw love credits. Relationships are stronger, he says, when there's a positive balance in the Love Bank.

Stated that way, the principle seems obvious, and yet as he outlines the various behaviors that may lead to withdrawals, the reader can see how easily a love balance could dwindle, leaving a couple hopelessly bereft of love.

Not every couple will agree with every point made in this book, but reading it together can help build a relationship. Whether they've had pre-marriage counseling or not, this book is a useful tool for building and maintaining a strong relationship.

Rating: *** (Good)

Revell, 2006: ISBN 978-0-8007-3194-6