Some of you may remember my cartoon column from a couple issues ago. I recently came to the realization (during a discussion with other children of the 80’s) that there was much more to write about on the topic of cartoons, in particular those cartoons I watched growing up. I guess what I still need to address is the deep thoughts/unanswered questions. Some of these questions were brought to my attention by my co-workers, some have bugged me for awhile and others just came to my attention while recently watching Bugs Bunny cartoons on the Cartoon Network.

1. Aren’t there any female skunks out there? You’d think by this time Pepe LePew would run into one and they’d hook up or something. Alas, it hasn’t happened yet. He has to keep chasing after poor confused cats that just happen to be standing by a bucket of white paint.

2. If the animals are smarter than the hunter, should Elmer Fudd really be permitted to have a gun? in the real world, a guy fooled that easily by a blonde wig and a dress would never be allowed near weapons or heavy machinery of any kind.

3. It’s an age-old question, but still perplexing. There’s, what, more than 100 smurfs and one female. Hmmm. Before you start thinking too much, we came up with two possible solutions. A) Smurfs give birth to litters. B) They’re just magic.

4. Who pays for the Scooby Doo gang’s gas? I mean, they just seem to wander around the country solving mysteries, and it’s not as if we’ve ever seen them work or go to school. (In the older ones, at least. I am aware that in the newer ones Daphne is a reporter.) Do they get paid at all, any kind of rewards? And how do you decide to roam the country solving mysteries anyways. I’d like to hear that conversation -- especially when they explained it to their families. “Med school? No, Dad, I think I’m going to drive around aimlessly looking for grown men dressed up as cheesy-looking ghosts and monsters.”

5. If all aliens are like Marvin the Martian, "Independence Day" would
have been a very different movie. Just think about that for a minute.

6. Did Hong Kong Phooey ever figure out that the cat was smarter than him? Did the cat ever get paid? He really deserves some kind of credit.

7. How did Inspector Gadget keep his job? And how lucky can one man be? Did the chief ever figure out he was clueless? Why didn’t they just cut out the middle man and hire the niece and the dog?

8. Does anybody really understand Donald Duck? And why can’t you understand him, but you can understand the nephews and Uncle Scrooge? (Though, to be fair, I think the nephews did talk like Donald in earlier cartoons.) And wouldn’t you need to wear a raincoat of some kind when you’re talking to him? It seems as if you would get quite a spray.

9. Why does Goofy talk and Pluto doesn’t? I know this one has probably been debated before, but it’s a classic so it deserves mention.

10. A question one of my co-workers came up with: Who would win, HeMan or the Incredible Hulk? We came up with HeMan because he has the Power of Grayskull on his side, but feel free to discuss.

11. Did Mummra have a reason for wanting to kill the Thundercats, or is he just plain evil?

As you can see, there are a lots of questions that our favorite cartoons have not addressed. Or maybe I just have too much free time.