TV Quiz
By Michael Hanson
1) A large bag of barbecue potato chips.
2) Half a gallon of ice cold Dr. Pepper.
3) The VCR remote.
4) The cable remote.
5) The tv remote.
6) Central Air temperature is set appropriately.
7) Pillows fluffed.
8) Phone answering machine is triple-checked.
9) Skim the tv guide for the 20th time to confirm it is a new eppy.
Half an hour of careful preparation is now about to pay off.
The VCR kicks on. You doublecheck it to make sure it is set for the correct channel.
You stuff a handful of potato chips in your mouth.
Fade up.
Action.
Your hungry eyes devour the figures on the screen.
Smallville has started.
Okay. You glory in the life of couch potatohood. So what? Anyone can
watch a lot of tv. What separates the true boob-tube afficionado from
the mere Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night digital-diletente is a
firm and respectful knowledge of the shows themselves.
What I offer you here is a multiple choice questionaire. Think of it
as the rosetta stone of the cable crowd. The answers in this test are
not so much fact, as truth, a distinction appreciated by all rabid fans
of Wednesday night's Law and Order.
Let the games begin!
1) In the tv series Tru Calling, the character of Tru is considered unique because of her:
a. Sultry Pout
b. Medical School Background
c. Prognosticative Abilities
d. Other
Answer: d. Other. Real life actress Eliza Dushku's dual Ph.D. degrees
in cultural anthropology and political science, her 225 I.Q., and her
subsequent three-years running nominations for both the Pulitzer and Nobel
prizes.
2) In the tv series Star Trek Enterprise, the character of Vulcan First Officer T'Pol supports the character of Starfleet Captain Jonathan Archer by:
a. Surreptitiously feeding him salt peter
b. Spying on him for the Vulcan High Council
c. Being a test subject for Vulcan Clothier, SKIN-TIGHT JUMPSUITS, INC.
d. Other
Answer: d. Other. Lathering up semi-nude in anti-rad gel in Dr. Phlox's
Decon Chamber at every opportunity.
3) In the tv series Star Trek The Next Generation, Klingons are physiologically superior warriors compared to humans because they have what?
a. Sado-Masochistic Foreplay
b. Vestigial throat venom sacs
c. Protruding Skeleture
d. Other
Answer: d. Other. They have a "redundant" physiology containing
"back-up" organs, thus making the standard test for hernias
a Doctor's nightmare.
4) In the tv series Law and Order: Criminal Intent, Detective Bobby Goren is considered an exceptional investigator because of his:
a. Doglike sense of smell
b. Knowledge of the dewey decimal system
c. Devotion to his cases
d. Other
Answer: d. Other. His NYPD badge is a major chick-magnet.
5) In the tv series Smallville, the character of Clark Kent is able to overcome all of his adversaries with the aid of his:
a. Parents' emphatic speeches
b. Kryptonian Physiology
c. Lana Lang's indecent use of eye makeup
d. Other
Answer: d. Other. His Male Underwear Model fan club.
