In Harmony

By Mary Matus

There are a lot of traditions associated with summer — picnics, family reunions, fireworks. A few years ago I experienced one summer tradition for the first time: the yard sale.

How far back does the yard sale tradition go? Did cavemen have yard sales? Did one caveman turn to another and say: “Too many rocks in cave. Must get rid of.” Then they’d line them up outside the cave. Maybe the rough ones would be worth five berries, and the smooth ones would be worth 10.

Nowadays, the yard sale (or garage sale) has become a way to display all the junk you’ve collected over the years. I think people expect you to look at all their stuff and say: “Wow! Look at all the cool stuff they have!” I think the reality is more like: “God! Where did they get all this crap!”

As I browsed through the yard sales, I thought some of the stuff should have just been thrown away. Then you wouldn’t have to admit you actually wore bell bottoms or bought Partridge Family collectible plates.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not completely bashing yard sales. It is a good way to get rid of that stuff you were just going to throw away. If you make $20 from a box full of clothes, that’s still $20 you didn’t have before.

I think clothes are the most sensible thing to sell, especially children’s clothes. You know, the ones you bought the week before your child had that growth spurt.

But I don’t think yard sales are supposed to be sensible. As they say, one man’s junk is another man’s treasure. People seem to think that a yard sale is a great big treasure hunt. Except you don’t have a map. And instead of gold, you might find a bunch of Donna Summers 8-tracks.

While it’s true a lot of people sell stuff without realizing what it is worth, the chances of finding hidden treasure are pretty slim. What do you expect to find, a lost DaVinci? “Honey, look! It’s Mo Lisa, Mona’s Lisa’s transvestite brother!”

The sad thing is that the traditional yard sale may be on its way out.

As I watched somebody try to haggle over a couple of knickknacks, the seller replied: “We might as well sell it on eBay.”

After all, that’s all eBay is, a big electronic yard sale. And I think you can find a better level of crap.

So, if you need to reach me, I’ll sorting through my stuff. Hey, there’s my Vanilla Ice tape.